Saturday, July 28, 2012

Here she is, my favorite author, Emily Giffin!

I should be dreaming, it's 3 am, but instead I am dreaming a different dream. A dream I just began, out of tears and frustration. I write the best when I am upset. Some of my best blog work was spun out of my miserable illness, pain, and fears. Tonight, the cause of the upset is different, but its effect on me is the same.

My dad and I have been discussing future plans, what I want to do with my life. I laughed, telling my parents that if I didn't need to make any money, and could do anything I wanted, it would be to write. I would be a writer, ideally one who makes a profit, a large profit. I watch my favorite author, Emily Giffin, on her Facbeook page, and I idolize her. She was a lawyer, turned writer, who took a chance to write NYT bestsellers, something she didn't even know she had in her. I feel I have so much in common with her, feel connected to her, and how silly. She doesn't even know who I am. Yet somehow, I see myself in her, and I know that I could do what she has done. My dad, my number one fan, who encourages all of my dreams, no matter how ridiculous (trust me, I have had some pretty outrageous ones), encouraged me to get started on the book. He told me to sit down and, as the Nike ads always say, "Just Do It." I've got an incredible story to tell, and I plan to tell it with a twist.

Tonight, at about 12 am, after an upsetting night out at some lame bar in Scottsdale, I did just that. I sat down, feeling defeated about life, and wrote. I wrote chapter one, of many, in my new life as a writer. I have no idea what I am doing, or how it comes together, but I am not sure Emily Giffin did either when she began writing or for that matter, the girl from Arizona, who wrote Twilight. Now my thoughts wander to my favorite crazy novel, 50 Shades of Grey, and I wonder what people thought of that author when she wrote her book! I would have been embarrassed to put my name on that cover, yet so proud at the same time.

I am no good at secrets, surprises, or keeping my mouth shut. I so badly want to post the entire chapter, but I know all good things take time. I will leave you with a quote from my sales meeting this week, brought to my attention by my biggest fan, my Daddio. "Tough times never last, but tough people do." Ain't that the truth??? I promise "ain't" won't be in my new book:-)

Chasing Something

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

"When you pray boldly, you’re not being selfish. You’re not being greedy. You’re releasing your faith, and that gets God's attention." -Joel Osteen

Recently I asked my hilarious and spunky friend Jenny to pray for something pretty comical and really trivial. We both laughed, and I told her I was absolutely serious.  From that, spun a rather serious conversation about God's will and whether or not we can direct prayers on what "we want" rather than what "plan" for us might be. The verdict? Pray directly. Pray for what you want, God protects us from our nonbeneficial desires, so either way, be honest.

I remember a specific Christmas Eve, long before the days of hereditary pancreatitis, long before hospital stays, long before learning some of life's most valuable lessons. I sat in a pew, at our church, praying so hard for a certain event to happen. I didn't understand it at the time, but God was protecting me from myself. He was saving me from a decision that more than likely would have ruined my life for some time. In that moment, it was all I wanted, but I was protected. Thank God, literally!

I had no idea what the grander plan was, or how it would unfold. If I could have looked ahead, looked up at the giant dust storm that was heading my way, I would have shuddered and crumbled. Again, thank God we can't predict our future! I still have no idea what the grander plan is, I only have a small clip. I do know one thing though, I want to make my life count. How to do that is still uncharted.

To Everything There is a Season

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Long overdue Z-Tejas Margarita! Oh how I MISSED YOU!

Being silly and taking pics, which turned into my first ever Instagram pic! Woo! 

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

The silver was shiny and polished and the script was engraved softly on the metal. My friend Jessica and I scoured them over, and decided on a purchase. The quote was on there perfectly, "A time for every purpose under heaven". I asked her what it meant, she said she thought it was from the Bible. I told her I thought it was from a song. Whatever it was, we liked it, and it meant something to us. We slipped them on our wrists and enjoyed them for the rest of our vacation, and them some. 

Today I am reminded of that silver bangle, because that quote, which happens to be from the Bible and the song, is resonating as I lay in bed tossing and turning. A part of me wrapped up in that surgery, in a neat little package, and after some time, a new season began. This new season is amazing. It involves catching up on lost time. 

I watched friends fall in love, get married, have babies, go abroad on trips, ski the mountains and even just have a beer at a bar. I watched it on Facebook, from my bed or the hospital usually. I tried to not be jealous, and to imagine a life where I could do those things too. Sometimes I would feel sorry for myself and beg God to take me back to 2008 when things were normal. Those were irrational thoughts. I even dreamed of being a flight attendant so I could just "fly away" from what was happening (even though I was too sick to fly away). That season has ended. It ended about two months ago, when energy returned, and life returned.

The new season is my turn. My turn to meet new people, try new things, go on any fun adventures I think of, or others think of and invite me to join! I can't wait. Today was a day that the permanent smile didn't leave my face. Why? Because this new season is a happy season with big things in store. 
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