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MISSING

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Missing? Yep, that's me! I have been missing. Why, you may ask? Because I have been out ENJOYING the hell out of life:-)

Funny, when I was sick I would look at blogs for hours on end, read Facebook pancreas stuff, search my life away for information to help me get better. The truth was, I had no life. I used to, oh I used to have such a fun life! I was always out with my girlfriends, my boyfriends at the time, vacationing, studying for school, enjoying the life that was party and fun like it should be in your twenties. Then, for a while things stopped. Even though I kept going through motions, things stopped. And guess what? They are back again. Life is back again, in my house and in my heart. And it is going to be that party for the next 3.75 years left of these beautiful years called my twenties. Oh, and I can't wait!

I thought before, before when I was sick, I would be part of groups to help others. I thought I would volunteer to help pancreas patients. I thought this was my life calling. I remember a lady, Nicole, saying, in one of the blogs I read about this surgery, "it is amazing how your life fills up with other activities when you are not in pain." I remember thinking that she was not on here blogging anymore because she is raising a baby that she had after her life began again, after she recovered from her surgery. I was jealous of her. And guess what? I now know what she meant by that quote. I am 9 weeks into my recovery. Three weeks ago a funny thing happened. I felt better. Better than I had felt in three years. I felt like I used to feel every single day, amazing! And I no longer want to talk about that word "pancreas" and I want to move on with my life. I stopped looking at blogs, I stopped looking at sad stories on Facebook. I stopped all of that about a week ago, and I have experienced true happiness. True happiness away from this horrible organ that robbed me of my joy in life. And I want to keep it that way. Forever.  I want to stop blogging about it, because I am ready for the life I should have been living while I was blogging, reading blogs, searching Facebook, or at home on a Friday night. I can go out again! I can live again, and I don't fear a hospital stay within the next 15 days.




I keep waiting to turn some horrible corner, how sad. I keep thinking "this is too good to be true" and my eyes well up with the happiest tears. I am so happy I can't put into words how I feel about it. I have no pain, I have no problems, and I am OFF insulin. My islets are working, I am the 30% that this transplant works for, I am feeling better than I have ever felt. If one day "the little islet cells that could" stop working, well that is okay. Diabetes doesn't hurt, trust me, I have tried it:-) I can handle it, and I can handle it while continuing to live life. And yet, some small little part of me looks at life and knocks on wood. And does the sign of the cross. And thanks Jesus Christ, my Savior. And asks my Mom and Dad if they think this will end at some point. We all seem on egg shells. Am I lucky or what?

So cheers to life, and goodbye to pancreas blogging! This chic is moving on, moving on with my 20's. Moving on with my life. Saying goodbye to my pain. Saying goodbye to my past (but not to answering the call of those who are still suffering and may need my help). And thanking God every minute of it for allowing me to be this well. I didn't know life could be this good again. 

4 comments:

  1. Congrats Whit! What an exciting, happy, amazing post! I continue to pray for you and your health, as well as your family's. Keep enjoying life and squeezing every tiny drop you can out of it! God definitely answers prayers and you are a walking testimony! May He continue to bless you and those around you <3

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  2. well deserved....like i said many moons ago to you..ok a few months ago the ones not on FB are those out living life not complaining about this surgery but living life:)and i knew with your attitude you would be one of those

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  4. I love your posts! I am having the surgery June 18th at U of M. I've had to take myself out of all the FB groups to try and stay positive. Your blog really gives me hope that one day I might get my life back. Thank you! I wish more people who had success with the surgery and are back out living life could share with those who need the inspiration.

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