1 More Day

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I found this on Facebook and thought it fit my life perfectly
right now. I need to remember this Thursday.
Before we left the house for Tucson today, my Dad asked if we could say a prayer. In the middle of the living room my Dad, Brother, Mom, Eileen, and Myself all gathered in a circle. I looked over at Ozzie (our beloved Vizsla dog who is part human) and I said "Ozzie is looking at us so weird, he doesn't know how to pray." We said an "Our Father" and Ozzie ran into the middle of our small circle and stood the whole time. It really was something that will forever be an unforgettable moment in my life and probably in all of the people present in the room, including Ozzie's, lives. Praying with your family, taking the time out to do things we normally don't do when all is going really well, is something that I cherish in all of this "mess" of the pancreas surgery.

Today I have cried the most during this whole process. I don't think I have ever been this afraid in my entire life.  I have learned that this surgery has many "unknowns" which is why I am having a difficult time. There is no uniform recovery, and all bodies are different. I could be a brittle diabetic, a moderate diabetic, or not a diabetic. After the diabetes, there are other "could be's" that I can't dwell on even though my mind does think about them. This surgery is not simple and has complicated risks. It is also the only surgery available to help me get my life back and help me reduce pancreatic cancer risks. So with all of that being said, today I have learned that in order to make tomorrow better and to go through with this on Thursday morning, I have got to have FAITH in God. I need Him to lead me, because leading myself will not work. I need to turn all of this fear over to God and let him do what he needs to do. He knows what I want and I believe He will fill those desires I have in my heart.

Tomorrow I will go to church and light a candle and pray some more. I will enjoy breakfast since it will be my last meal for about a week. I am planning to go to my favorite breakfast place here and I am pretty excited! I also have some exchanging of some pajamas to do, which will keep me busy. Father Keiran, our priest, will be coming tomorrow night and he will be in the waiting room with my parents all day, which makes me feel better about making my parents wait for me for 14 hours. He will be anointing me tomorrow and praying with me. I love that he is coming.

Katie, my oldest friend, is going to come up later in the day and we are having an old fashioned sleep over. I think I spent at least one night a week with Katie doing sleepovers at each others houses growing up, but sadly Katie is married and can't have sleepovers anymore! So lucky for me, she is leaving the hubby and kids home for the night and staying with me. She will wait until I am off to sleepy land the next morning before she leaves to go back to the kids. The great thing about Katie is that she is a nurse and worked in the OR, so she sees these things everyday. Also, Katie is a natural calm person, the kind that could have a train run through her house and she would just slightly notice! What I mean by that is she is very laid back- something I will need when I fall asleep tomorrow night and the next morning. I pray tomorrow is better and that God will calm my nerves tonight and help me relax. If not, maybe the Ativan the doctors prescribed for the pre-surgery jitters will do the trick:-)

1 comment:

  1. Go get them Whit! You are such a strong and faith-filled girl!! I know I have said it a lot, but I am PRAYING! You and your family will be clothed in prayers all day and we won't forget about you while you are recovering either! You are on a lot of people's hearts and minds :) You are special to so many! Love ya girl!


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