A Week Off From Work!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Out enjoying my "week off" with a non-alcoholic
beer! Doesn't it look so real? I get tired of hearing
"why aren't you drinking"

When you have an organ that is failing it is not easy to forget about it. I try, but it reminds me. I always wake up saying that today will be the day I won't think about it, and then I end up forced to think about it. This week was different! No one heard from me this week on my blog or in my Facebook group because I was busy enjoying life:-) I had very little time to sit around! I told my friend I wanted to HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER the day after Christmas and now we say it everyday when we talk about what we did each day. That day we did have the best day ever, we went to lunch, went to Fashion Square Nordstrom (my favorite), redecorated some things in my room and enjoyed the day away together. I feel like I was so lucky, like I got a week off from work! Even though my work is so flexible now, I feel this pancreas has become my crazy, out of control job! One I hate, of course:-) 

This new years was much different! For one, I was not drinking bubbly, which has been a continuing trend for my last few NYE celebrations (big boo), but also that I have a lot coming up and no specific timeline for it. I really wish I had my final approval and a surgery date, but I should be hearing next week more about how the insurance process is going and what all my tests looked like. I know I have to go back and redo the scope that I had done the last day of testing. I was under, but not a general anesthesia, a twilight sleep. Since I am on bunch of medication the sleep did NOT knock me out all the way and I ended up chewing on the doctors scope and apparently talking to him. My mistake:-) Needless to say, I will be returning to the UMC this week or next to have the scope under general anesthesia.
Shelby and I enjoying NYE
Aka: Gloria and Gloria

The UMC told me to expect to hear from them the second week of January regarding approval, but all surgeons involved said they were 99.9% sure this was what I needed and that they would be able to help me. They even told my dad that if this was their own child they would do this surgery. I also heard from another "pancreas friend" who went to see Dr. Rilo and his team. She said he told her he was not confident in doing the surgery on her as he did not know if her daily life would improve, or at least he was not sure. With me he said "this is your light at the end of the tunnel" and expressed his 100% sure attitude towards me. The other doctor and a PA both said similar things and feel very confident. I was glad to hear that he told my friend this, even though I wished he could help her, but my gladness came from the fact that he did not push her into a surgery and that he was willing to say he was not sure he could fix her problem. I feel like that is a good sign and that he actually believes I need this, not just so he can do another one. 

I want a DATE! The docs said they could get my surgery done the last week of this month, but I am starting to feel like that is becoming less of a chance each day. This surgery is always, always, always on my mind and I am so sick of this little cloud following me around everyday! I am ready for the rain already. Crazy, but I know once I find out a date it will be a fast process from then on out. I am sure I will try to back out the day of- and probably have to medicate myself the night before- hope that's allowed! 

A major concern of mine- my mom.I worry about her during the 14 hours. It KILLS me to think about. She is my best friend and mom, the kind of best friend you call at least 2 times a day and she calls about the same amount. Some people think our relationship is weird since we talk so much, but I have other girlfriends who do the same thing with their moms. Anyways, I just hope that God makes her fearless and trusting that day and takes away all of her uncertainty. If the roles were reversed, it would be a very mixed day for me emotionally, as I know it will be for her. The thing I am most looking forward to in my life at this very moment is waking up from my surgery and coming out of the sleep to see my Mom and Dad and Brother. I wish we could just fast forward life to that moment, and let it all be over!  I am hoping God sends two ANGELS down that day. One for my operating room and one for the waiting room. We are all going to need them:-)

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